RAW

For the past 15 years, I've spent the week before returning to school blown about in gale-force winds of activity.  My summer to-do checklist of monumental accomplishments designed to create ease would stare me in the face, checkless. Brewing underneath was usually a storm of dread showered with smatterings of excitement. Assemble that in one 5' package and watch out for ensuing carnage.

My last day of duty on June 24th turned out to be quite more than an ordinary last duty day. It was the day that my dear friend who happened to be my great boss was informed that she would not be returning to the school the following year. It was the day that I called upon that which I receive from Nia,  RAW - relaxed, alert, and waiting for the sound and silence to cue my moves. This summer spent in a heightened state of RAW has been filled with harmony. Even in times when I dipped into fear's discord, the stay was shortened by RAW's gentle encouragement back to sensation.

RAW is where I sense a shift from "thinking" I "need" to "do" something to sensing when action is warranted. I invite rather than direct or command. For me, it's about trusting that whatever I need will be revealed in natural time and be filled with wondrous possibilities. This has been my experience and continues to be so.

The light has returned to my friend's eyes. Sensing this gift has been well worth the wait.

Stop, sense, and listen

I was carrying out another load of clutter when "Stop, Look, and Listen before you cross the street" popped into my head. Then, I sensed the message in my body - it's really all about making conscious choices before taking steps so that when we do "step" across any street, we do so in a state of awareness. Profound for 60's elementary school lesson.

I have no segue into the next part except to say that there was some connection at the moment but the clutter got me distracted :-).

Click. Surrounding myself with more stuff limits my choices. I used to think that it was a great thing but surrounding myself with stuff keeps me in my head and limits my range of motion. More means I scatter my energy sifting through distractions and "trying" to make decisions rather than tapping into my sensation which is the clearest frequency when tuning in to what I want. Shifting to sensation opens endless possibilities from which I can concisely choose relying on feedback from my body rather than chatter from my mind. As my relationship with my Nia practice evolves, I deepen my appreciation for the freedom and grace in clarity. I'm learning to release distractions that complicate and clog channels of energy. I can now sense if I really want to cross that street in the first place or if where I am is right where I need to be.

Goodbye old cloak

There is a long story that I could share here that would paint a picture of drama and intrigue, and how this innocent lamb rose against "those who could do harm" with her mighty pen as her trusty sword. I'd tell my story, captivating audiences worldwide, gathering support for my plight and assuming permission to remain wrapped in my cloak of self-pity.

That is not my truth. Though I have done my best to wear that old tattered cloak, it no longer provides shelter from the elements. Its misshapen form constricts my breath and I ask myself: Why would I want protection from that which reminds me - Now I Am . . .  I tossed that cloak last night with a conscious chose (and a grand announcement to family) to move. My body expanded with breath and reveled in ribbons of sensation as the music led me in my dance of freedom.

I thought I heard that cloak call my name late in the night. It was actually screaming "OYYYYYYYY" as it melted into oblivion.

Conscious Adult Steps of Investment

A financial planner recently paid me a visit to discuss investments. He was surprised by the questions I brought forth, half joking that "people in education don't usually have an understanding of how all this stuff works". I surprised myself as I heard the questions emerge, being someone who viewed the likes of Suze Orman as a threat to my self-anointed right to self-gratification through spending. There are friends of mine at whom I marvel when it comes to their financial dexterity and I've often pondered the origins of such talent. I ruled out genetic connection in my case while watching close relatives in rapture over the Wall Street journal and CNBC as I dashed through through the room averting my eyes and pressing my palms against my ears so information wouldn't leak into my cells.

That was before. . .

Investment. I've now invited in a different way of sensing that in my body through a broadened definition - Investment is about consciously choosing that which nurtures well-being. When faced with decisions I am learning to ask, Is this a wise investment? and to listen to my body's response. My body instinctively takes into consideration the variables and parties concerned. My head fills space with confusion and doubt and creates blocks where there are none. My body expands in space and allows clarity. This shift is gliding me through several major decisions of late.

I just asked my body if a subscription to the Wall Street Journal is in order. I'm thinking nausea is enough clarity for me.

Essence

By definition, core means: central or innermost part; basic or most important part; hard or fibrous central part of certain fruits containing the seeds. The "earth's core" or "core subjects" are points upon which we layer. In Nia we address the three body weights - pelvis, chest, and head as the core and invite them to unite in alignment. Moving and strengthening our core can open channels of energy. Hip circles can spark creativity from our sacral chakra. Inviting the belly button to chew can provide nourishment from seeds of strength in our solar plexus. Sensing our intercostal muscles remind us that our heart space has the capacity to radiate love and acceptance. Connecting our three eyes to fingertips, directions, and others can reveal new pathways that broaden our horizons. This is the week's focus - Connecting to our essence, the core, with the intention to align as we broaden our horizons.

Leaps and parachutes

"Leap and the net will appear" - Zen quote
My absolute favorite quote. It is part of a collage that hangs on the office door, inviting all those to enter to be prepared for anything and to welcome change with wondrous excitement. I find myself the one most frequently accepting the invitation.

I've heard it called "leap of faith". Whatever the phrasing, this perspective (that I have adopted as my mantra) has proven itself without fail each time I have tested. Sometimes, the leaps are ones realized in retrospect. Others have been tiny jumps when I wasn't able to fully trust the net. And then there are those that manifest from conscious choices grounded in clarity of what I want.

Woven into the present tapestry of my parachute are threads of sound and silence. My former pattern of movement was cued only by sound, sometimes so much and so often that I felt unsteady, unsure of where or if I would land. The leaps felt as though they were launched from a precipice and mid-flight, I'd grasp at the air with doubt. Through my Nia practice, I have learned to listen to the silence for flight cues. RAW - Relaxed Alert Waiting guides conscious choices of movement. In a state of RAW, I am present to receive and respond. No guessing is required as I trust the innate wisdom of my body to guide me. Doubt floats by as I mingle with clouds headed towards my net of abundance secured by cheers of excitement. I land, receive with appreciation, and listen. . .

Numbers. . .

Last night's class focus was shift with the intention of intrinsic releasing and gathering. When we moved into floorplay we invited in awareness of something to release as well as something to gather. As I asked, I sensed the fear of numbers in my body - number on the scale, number of students, number of classes, number of friends, number on evaluations, number on tests. . . As I rolled, pushed, pulled, and then remained in stillness, I sensed the threat of losing my job (NOT my sacred livelihood) this week over a number, the fear of a high number on the scale, the judgment placed on my worth based on a number. The dots connected and I released the power I have given to those numbers and to those who value numbers over people. All this occurred while sharing the space with my gift of a desk guide, Rachel. Everything was exactly as it needed to be.