"be who you are and say what you feel

because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss (Theodor Geisel)

This quote greets me each day from a whimsical maroon mirror that hangs in my office. It captured my attention at an Austin art festival and I purchased it as a tool to invite reluctant students into reflective conversation centered around conscious choices. Some days I am kept busy talking to myself . . .

sitting with an empty plate

Am I truly receiving? If I respond immediately, or even a beat before the speaker ceases, am I truly present for the message or am I formulating my response to deliver on cue? I sense my need for immediate response like a hungry child fearful of an empty plate. Piling on top of that which is already full robs nutrients and wastes food. Empty place offers space to digest and sense nourishment from within, to consciously choose (or not) whether more is necessary.

My adult will be joining me at the next meal. And that empty plate will sustain the intention to receive.

El Tango de Witness

At the beginning of Green Belt, I set an intention to meet and embrace my witness. This speaks to White Belt Principle 4, Stage 6 - witness/ manipulate, judge NOT! - observe. Imagine, if you will, the scene from Moulin Rouge "El Tango de Roxanne". This is what came to me as the sensation for my relationship with my witness. We move throughout the space as one and then part, sustaining the intensity through eyes as the bodies yearn for reconnection through touch. Each reconnection illuminates a bit more information and I sense my body responding and tweaking to receive more.

The most recent information was received during "No Quiero Nada Mas" from Aya, Carlos' latest routine. While stepping onto whole foot at 3 and 9, I was aware that what I was sharing wasn't what I was sensing. If I had shared what I sensed it would have sounded like this: step out at 3 and slide ribcage and elbow, as if hitting an energetic wall that limits your range of motion. I checked in the mirror and sure enough, that's what the move looked like. Here's where I truly sensed my connection with witness - I made the conscious choice to observe without judgment. I was then able to tweak from sensation rather than manipulate from judgment.

Now, where's my corset????

Movement patterns

I have noticed a correlation between movement patterns in my Nia practice and movement patterns in other areas, particularly during periods of shift. I lead with a heavy heel, leaving a deep impression but running out of energy before completing the step. Digging in my heels and gripping my toes for balance. This came to heightened awareness during a 52 Moves class with Helen. As we went through each of the moves I received quite a bit of information that connected the dots through sensations. Now I sense the follow-though as I evenly distribute my energy, release my grip, and kiss the Earth with conscious adult steps.

Sober in the Vineyard

My last alcoholic beverages were consumed on November 8, 2003. I went out with a bang, downing a bottle of wine to reach my last supperesque heightened state of inebriation. Since that fateful evening I remain, with gratitude, alcohol free.

I attended an amazing workshop with Nia Black Belt, Tracy Stamper, called Shakin' Your Chakras. When I heard about it I felt compelled to attend not giving any thought to the location which was a place called The Vineyard (in Florence, TX, an amazing place with the most gracious hosts). It wasn't until I entered the space, looked around, and seemed to awaken to the fact that I was in a location that centers around wine. Vineyards, bottles of wine, pictures of wine, wine aroma (later on), wine glasses, glasses of wine, discussions about wine. . . Yet, in that space I felt safe and supported as I brought awareness to and opened my chakras in space created by Tracy with warmth and kindness. Energetically bringing in the 3rd of my triadic support, Jill, wine was background noise drowned out by the joyous melody of Earth's supportive energy channeled through loving souls who grace my life.

meeting and embracing my witness

Top 10 list of what revealed itself to me during Green Belt:

10. I complicate things.
9. The details are there for a reason.
8. Read thoroughly.
7. Assessments are focus guides for growth.
6. I have the time. It's how I choose to spend it that makes the difference.
5. Valuing myself teaches others how to value me.
4. I facilitate rather than teach.
3. I am first and foremost a student of the practice.
2. Consciously choosing opens an array of options.
1. The Joy of Movement is at the heart of Joi.

The Yellow Brick Road on the Way to the Emerald City (thank you, Jill),

Song of the morning - "On the Road to Find Out" by Cat Stevens. This is a good sign.

My path to Green Belt has been filled with more twists and turns than my lower intestines. Have you ever seen the poster with "I FEEL ______ TODAY" and numerous facial expressions dare you to select one? Me! You know the feeling as you're traveling up that long track on the roller coaster and you think this isn't so bad but wait what's that bump will the track hold didn't I see this on the news last week oooo the wind feels nice on m face up here do I lean forward what did the guy say to do am I too short yeah for me for being brave? Then, you reach the top where, at that split second, you realize what the hell was I thinking before releasing to sensation? I've been at the top of the roller coaster, clutching the people around me, anticipating that sensation of release. My fingernails are now pulling away from the indentations in my palms and as I relax my fingers in a gesture of receiving, I discover jewels whose sparkle in my eyes had been dulled by my own grip.